i miss being j1. but more than anything, i realise i wouldnt give my batch up for anything.
orientation has been a blast so far, but probably just as tiring as its been fun. which is saying a lot because its been a lot of fun haha.
the weekends bring some very welcomed rest, and time to catch up on work. as well as meet up with friends again ^^
and in the meantime, Daunting Monday looms.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
worries about having an unenthusiastic og are entirely unfounded, because MR05 ROCKS.
and,for once in my lifetime, we actually won something for games! (swensens is the love)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
ive been having very violent dreams as of late.
4, to be exact. the first few i dismissed as a coincidence, but after the last two im getting slightly worried. i mean, ive never actually had violent dreams prior to this, so... 4 is a lot.
the first was slightly before the start of school. i had left my jacket in school, and returned at night with ally to get it. but while we were on the lift down, a strange disease seemed to have overtook the students and they all turned into bloodthirsty mutant vampires determined to suck our blood (think I Am Legend). at every floor the lift door opened, they threw themselves towards it, gnarling at us as ally and i frantically pushed the close button. i also remember trying to call the police. except, phones dont work in lifts. the moments just waiting for the lift door open... those were pretty intense.
the second one occurred into the first week, i believe. an ogre (attributed to an anime i was watching the day before that included ogres) had attacked a strange version of singapore, with its ultimate destination (illogically, but dreams rarely are) RJ campus. for some reason, every student found it of great importance to return to school to get their belongings, so along with a few students, one of whom was theo in his green ccad shirt, i raced to the mountain RJ was set on, into Adventist Home for the Elders, which was situated at its foot, tried to convince the elders to run run run to no avail ("they too old to run already. some of them have trouble walking. its ok, you all go first") and started to scale the intimidatingly steep stairs. once we made it up and grabbed our belongings, we raced back down the hill (theo was amazingly fast, and since it was my dream, i could actually keep up with him) before the ogre could come.
the third occured last sunday. i suppose it was the residue from the previous week, because i had dreamt that a classmate had gotten into a car accident and passed away (Final Destination premonition style). i remember exactly how it happened and very distinctly, the two hours of crying (in the dream) that followed. and when i saw his face on monday in class, a little bit of that emotion whelmed up again, but i squashed it out before i did something to alarm everyone.
the last was on tuesday. my husband (ikr, majorly strange) and i were at a hotel and someone had stolen his phone, leaving behind a note that requested him to pick it up at a lower floor.i watched as he walked down the grand stairs to the floor below (i was standing at the registration lobby) but at the corner of my eye i spotted a slightly balding man in a pink shirt watching him, and somehow, came to understand that that was the man whose wife my husband had accidentally killed, and he was going to come after me to take revenge. at the same time i had realised that, the man had turned to face me, so i began to run. except i was wearing heels, which slid on the marble floor and taking those off didnt help either since i was wearing stockings.
yeah.
very strange dreams, but a common theme in all (other than taking place in school, except the last one) is the element of being preyed upon. amanda hypothesised that i was probably having too much stress in school, but idk, i dont actually recognise any significant increase in stress lately. i think it may be rather interesting to see what professionals may say about all these dreams ive been having.
meh. idk. i just want to stop dying. but its ok, despite what all these dreams may imply about my emotional state, my waking moments have been pretty fun and awesome, all thanks to the upcoming (TMR) orientation. so for all my horrible nights, at least i have happy days (: am really really unbelievably looking forward to tomorrow.
BUT MOSTLY ALL IM THINKING ABOUT NOW IS CRAP MY THIGHS HURT. DIE PE DIE.
Friday, January 22, 2010
i ttly got home and conked out for an hour and a half. i knew i was tired, but that tired?! i mean, i havent even been sleeping late recently. this year theres a conscious effort to get more sleep (: which apparently isnt working very well, so the only plausible reason i could come up with is all the emotional distress that this week has brought. in the day when theres constant chatter and things happening its easier to keep myself from thinking about things, but occasionally and more frequently when im alone, i'll still close my eyes and recall ms lows photograph in the pavilion, on a green table covered with colourful cranes. its not as bad as it could be though - i think not going for her wake helped. although i would have liked to go and give her a final farewell, i know i will have trouble dealing with the memories that would create, so in my own way, i guess i prefer to rmb her as who she was.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
because you cannot share your post with the previous, happy birthday vince (: i hope im forgiven for forgetting.
ms low (rgspsb) passed away last night.
exactly a week later is weiqis 3rd death anniversary, and if you were to return to my 27/01/07 entry on green-anklesocks, you'll read about the first time i had ever encountered death.
and this would be the second tragedy to strike rgspsb.
when i first heard of her hospitalisation, my reaction was much the same as the one i had when i first heard of weiqis passing. shock. utter numbness, an isolation from the surroundings no matter how loud for the hour and the next. and of course, memories of weiqis passing ran through my mind. i remember the roar in my ears, and with the little sensation i had i wondered how the world could still go on spinning. thankfully, it slowly faded away when i realised that there was still hope for ms low to wake up. i believed in that- that she would.
so i held on to the tears, and i prayed.
i had wanted to skip out on the meeting they were holding this morning (which i ended skipped anyway due to involuntary reasons) because i knew that it would ruin my day. but little did i know that while i was still holding on to my fragile hope, that she was already gone.
the news came to me at the start of math lecture, through veras mouth. i remember wondering about her worried expression, thinking it strange until i heard what she had said. in that instance all the composure i had managed to gather evaporated and i felt the air escaping from me and the tears well up in my eyes.
i left the lt, sat for a moment in a corner and let the tears i knew i needed to cry come. i suppose i must have looked worrying- a random teacher felt compelled enough to ask if i was ok.
after clarifying the news with jeanhui, i spent the next hour or so back in my state of silent shock. and after school, together with many of the old psls, i returned to my alma mater the first time in a long while to listen to the teachers, understand how it occurred, and pen our wishes to her.
my grief, in comparison to that of many others, is minimal because although she was my teacher ic, i had not personally worked with her and thus, did not have many strong memories of her. and i refuse to show her disrespect by displaying a shallow mourning. what i did remember of ms low, however, was her sunny disposition and her strict regard for discipline. she emphasised on our roles as role models to the school, and perhaps most clearly and importantly, i remember and i know of her belief in us. through her efforts and those of the other teacher ics, both my sister and i, as well as many other generations of psls will and have enjoyed precious memories of their time serving as a psl forever.
perhaps what made things more difficult to deal with was the influx of memories from weiqis passing, details of that day and the next that i would never forget. the irony of it all? that i had been planning a post on the 26th sharing the effects of her passing on my life. now, it seems, i get to experience it all again.
i will not be going for ms lows wake in the coming days, because weiqis had been difficult enough, and i preferred not to see a family in grief once again, nor remember ms low any less then the cheerful, smiley woman she was.
I Pray for Ms Low's soul, and I Pray that the Lord will be with her family, especially her husband and her young child, in this difficult time. May He provide support and strength to all those who knew her and may she Rest In Peace. Amen.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
check out all the 7s and 1s! -cue inaneness-
xD
im steadily becoming a weekend blogger, it seems. although lately the weeks have been so packed i can hardly remember much to blog about anws.
i do rmb, however, the first finger ive seen this whole year (marcus, homecoming), perhaps the most accurate signal that my year has officially started.
my ears are alr missing the peacefulness of the holidays, but no matter, such things ive alr gotten used too xD
all this work in orientation and what nots has really gotten me thinking about being j1 and its memories. i really hope my og works out, and i really hope my own juniors dont have as tough a time as i had during their first year. luckily, majority of that has passed, just in time for us all to settle down and start mugging our brains out xD
moving on, today is mom's birthday! i love my mom really, shes awesome. in fact my entire family is awesome. as far as moms go i know im pretty lucky (sure, i get perhaps more pressure than some on the academic front, being all chinese and what nots, but that is understandable and entirely too insignificant when contrasted against how understanding and supportive she is in other matters) so i know well enough to appreciate her fully. i hope i can be as good a mother as she has been to me (:
another wonderful person also born today is theo! all that has been said has been said, and really there is no need for anything to be said to begin with. (:
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
WHY DO ALL THE AGENTS HAVE TO CALL WHEN IM AT HOME AND MY PARENTS ARE NOT.
like srsly. sometimes i just want to put up a giant sign that says NO THANK YOU. GO AWAY.
-is annoyed-
am very tired, i really think i need to stop wasting my time and sleep more now that i really need the energy to study and shitz.
tmr be open house. no school (V)
Monday, January 11, 2010
its only the first day of school and alr the politics, the lack of sleep, the a level stress (thanks dr chan) and the sheer volume of work/ things to study for has caught up with me.
joy.
but theres no denying it. its good to be back.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
ahahahhaa. i love the instant-ness of fb xD
(names blocked out in interest of the supreme secrecy orientation has been in)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
18 years
8:47 AMit says a lot about how busy my week has been when i have to wait for it to end to get time to blog about my own birthday,
but DR2 is over now (almost, still have recording to do in the afternoon), leaving me aching, body clock tuned to 7ish and way behind hw. but its been a very very very good week.
I LOVE ORIENTATION/STORYLINE WORHXXXX.
good stuff (Y)
back to birthday.
twas the best birthday song i ever had in my entire life. being surrounded by all the people i love, no matter where they came from and how i got to know them, made my day (: sure, inviting all these different groups of people meant inevitable awkwardness, but it somehow worked out in the end.
love goes out to every single person who came, everyone who wished me and most importantly, to my lovely lovely family for being so so supportive. to my dad for being so generous ("you only turn 18 once in a lifetime"), to my mom for slogging it out to prepare all the food every though her arms ached like crap and not complaining when most of the food came back uneaten, and to my sister for being the best helper i could ever have for the whole evening.
at the end of the day, i sat amongst the mountain for presents everyone brought and opened them one by one and was genuinely touched by how sweet some of them were. thank you thank you thank you all for the effort you guys have poured into them, from baking them, to flying them in, to planning them and to wrapping them.
the new year and turning 18 also means its time to put some things behind us. its time to leave some people and move on, and its time to forgive some people and restart relationships. school opens in less than 48 hours, and the academics, the competition, the bgrs and all that will start pouring in. so for this year, i pray for two steady feet and stamina, for its a long long road to run.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
dotz
3:45 PMimpressionism is a Pain. all those little dots! im a overall impression kinda person, not a dot by dot kinda person! D: 
but worth it, dont you think? ^^ i love it love it love it. but then again, im almost always amazed by the things i paint. like, where did this appear from?!
(this new formatting is very interesting o.o)
and the song up is Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 (:
Friday, January 1, 2010
1 300-word revew of fictionous book that highlights a political situation
2:30 PMDISGRACE: A Review
Disgrace is not a happy book. In fact, its about downright depressing. Starting with the regrettable loss of a companion, if a prostitute can be considered one, it quickly progresses to explore the contentious issue of professor-student affairs, which ultimately leaves the said professer, Lurie, in a state of ridicule, forced, or rather, willingly as the book seems to suggest, to leave his position and seek refuge with his daughter, Lucy.
Away from the city and the politics of the university, Lurie almost seems to come upon a fresh start, helping his daughter with the chores of the farm and volunteering at a nearby animal shelter. Almost, because just as the reader gets to breathe a sigh of relief over the end of the first scandal, he is left to wonder if Lurie's new life, euthanising dogs and disposing of their corpes, as well as bedding the shelter's female owner, a "dumpy, bustling woman" having "no breasts to speak of" and "almost waistless, like a squat little tub" is a step forward instead of one backward. Yet before Lurie, and the reader, can fully adapt to the new lifestyle, the second scandal crashes upon them as Lucy is raped, Lurie, assaulted and their house, robbed by three black strangers.
Apparently, in post-aparthied South Africa, whites are the new slaves.
Despite the heavy issues explored in the book, the prose is smooth and light enough to keep the story going. At times, the reader is almost sympathetic towards Lurie, wishing a reprive for the self-rightous, unapologetic "servant of Eros". But Coetzee, the book's Nobel Prize winning author, is unrelenting, and Lurie's fall from grace is rapid and unassuming, leaving the reader with a lingering sense of desperation and hopelessness.
fresh starts
1:16 PMits a new blog, its a new year, its a new beginning!
seems like im doing quite a bit of adjusting this new year. besides the new blog, i also have a new yahoo email address (ask me if you need it! otherwise you will know when you email my old one) and ditching the old one.
a simple turning from thursday to friday can never seem more momentous. of course, just as the new year pushes away the past, it also brings with it new... implications, but lets not get into that too quickly, shall we (: before we enter the nose-grinding academic year ahead, theres PARTAYYING to be done, as well as orientation (which im really looking forward too!) and loads of other awesome activities ^^
happy 2010!
p.s. you guys can start on the nice new clean tagboard alr :D its blankness is a bit disconcerting.