i ttly got home and conked out for an hour and a half. i knew i was tired, but that tired?! i mean, i havent even been sleeping late recently. this year theres a conscious effort to get more sleep (: which apparently isnt working very well, so the only plausible reason i could come up with is all the emotional distress that this week has brought. in the day when theres constant chatter and things happening its easier to keep myself from thinking about things, but occasionally and more frequently when im alone, i'll still close my eyes and recall ms lows photograph in the pavilion, on a green table covered with colourful cranes. its not as bad as it could be though - i think not going for her wake helped. although i would have liked to go and give her a final farewell, i know i will have trouble dealing with the memories that would create, so in my own way, i guess i prefer to rmb her as who she was.
