i cant take this anymore.
i really cant do it. this profound sense of loss, it consumes me. i cant concentrate on my work, and every second i waste feeling this way makes it worse because i know i dont have time to waste away like this.
its
crippling.
the closer it gets to the A levels, the more anxious i get, because i simply cannot afford to feel this way during the As. i need another. ive known that for a long time now. i cant just pin all my hopes of one.
its stupid.
but i know hes irreplaceable. maybe thats why ive waited so long, held on so long to this hopeless, meaningless relationship. hes perfect. everytime i need to feel stable and confident of myself, hes there to comfort me. perfectly shaped, balanced, a dream come true.
im not sure i can find the same one again, its been a while since ive gone looking. maybe, if im lucky, ill find another one this perfect.
TMR IM GOING TO BUY MYSELF A NEW PENCIL. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND MINE.