today, we got back chem.
for almost my entire jc life, chem has been the subject i feared. not because it is a terribly difficult subject, but because it was a subject that i couldnt seem to do well in. i just couldnt seem to get the results to reflect my effort. for someone that believes you reap what you sow, its very scary when suddenly something comes along to completely disprove that idea. especially if its something you used to be good at.
when failure comes again and again, the shell you build up each time gets weaker. there were plenty of times during these years that ive almost given up hope. but during those times, i was very very very lucky to have all sorts of people beside me, urging me on and believing in me. and im infinitely grateful to them all:
Dr Chan, whose faith in me surpassed that of my own and my parents, who was always there to reply my inane randomly timed sms questions and who always always always believed in me. Some people think little of him because of his teaching methods, but I always felt that he was a rare teacher because he really gives and gives.
Vera Yuen who NEVER gave up on me, and always always encouraged me. I wish I was half as good a friend to her as she is to me.
Ramyia Elan, whom, despite being like in a totally genius class and totally have to right to ignore the hell out of me, was always there to listen and keep me in perspective.
Lincoln Ang, whom ive only recently got to know, but who always put down his own work to help me with mine during those critical days before cts. there are tons of other people, of course, and there are people who are just
there. all the time. for every one of them, i am thankful. without them/you guys, i wouldnt have made it.
before i got my results (like last night lol) i was really quite scared because i really put in 85% into this test. after a whole string of failures (
personal ones, not literal ones) i was determined to take this cts seriously, so i changed my way of revising and my way of doing the paper itself. so, you could say it was a gamble. i did a lot of questions off the top of my head, and i was really afraid for my results, because if i did not improve, it not only meant i was incapable of conquering this subject on my own, but that there were serious faults in my concepts that i wasnt sure i could clear by prelims. and if i had been going the wrong way all this while, whats to say i can get on the right track in time? the doubts drove me insane, and its the first time ever i regretted not being able to get my chem paper back immediately.
todays results were a relief, and im infinitely grateful for them. of course, different results mean different things to different people. some may scoff, others may think me arrogant. but personally, im very very thankful because it proved that
my gamble paid off. finally, after so long, there is light at the end of the tunnel. finally, i am moving forward. finally, im beginning to think i can make it. and finally, all these people who believed in me can stop being disappointed by me.
so thank you, to everybody, thank You, to the Good Lord. i still have room to improve. a lot of room, but at least now i know how.
